The Science and the Art of Gurometry.
I have a lot to say, but almost always on a few, restricted topics. I rarely venture out of my comfort zone. The amazing podcast Decoding the Gurus teaches about different sort of communicator, the secular guru. They are individuals, usually of a certain demographic and with obvious political leanings, who pontificate on everything, while doing nothing beyond making content, usually with each other.
A good place to start is their episode The Science and the Art of Gurometry. It says:
The casual listener, who might possibly not be a loyal Patreon subscriber, or might hypothetically not listen devotedly to every Gurometer scoring episode, could conceivably be a little vague about what we mean by a secular guru(!). And therefore might be tempted to make an ill-considered and poorly-informed comment on Twitter or Reddit, thus exposing them to the devastating yet apropos riposte of a “You know nothing, Jon Snow” meme in reply. Don’t let it be you!
Here is a tutorial, a short illustrated primer if you will, on the Science and the Art of ‘Gurometry’. No more will you have to live with the shame of not knowing how many syllables there are in anti-establishmentarianism. Never again will you be liable to fall prey to the siren song of pseudo-profound bullshit or fall foul of conspiracy mongers. Listen to it. Study it. Meditate on it. In no time at all you’ll be spotting gurus in the wild, categorising, and classifying them at will.
You’ll feel like an ornithologist who’s just been given a great big pair of binoculars, a spotter’s guidebook, and a free afternoon to wander about a National park. Impress your friends, family, and potential sexual partners with your intimate and subtle understanding of What It Means to Be a Guru. You’re welcome.
This concept neatly describes the MAHA doctors I often write about. As I have discussed countless times, they rose to power based on accomplishments that were wonderful, but fictional. They were pandemic gurus. From the moment the virus arrived on our shore, they spoke with complete confidence and absolutely certainty about every aspect of the pandemic:
- The virus came from a lab
- It was less dangerous than the flu
- Herd immunity was inevitable
- Infections in young people were desirable
- Death was COVID’s only bad outcome
- New York and Sweden had herd immunity in June 2020
- One infection led to long term immunity
- Delta was nothing to worry about
- Omicron was nothing to worry about
- Vaccines blocked transmission and would end the pandemic
- Vaccines perfectly protected older people
- Long COVID was exaggerated
- Masks are useless and dangerous
- Vaccines are useless and dangerous
- We had herd immunity May 2021
- Children do not spread COVID
- Testing for COVID was useless
- It spared people under age 70
- Lockdowns were worse than COVID
This was their track record.
MAHA doctors also spoke confidently about education policy, pediatric mental health, responsible science communications, the first amendment, social media moderation policies, and literally everything related to pandemic. I can’t recall an instance of them saying “I am not an expert in that, so I am not going to comment.” Like all gurus, they knew everything, but aside from making content, they didn’t do much. Though most treated 0 COVID patients, they claimed that everything would have been fine, if only we had just listened to them. MAHA doctors lectured us all about the importance of civility and humility, as gurus do, but they never looked back on their own litany of failed predictions.
ICE Halts “All Movement” At Texas Detention Facility Due To Measles Infections
However, history is now giving us a nasty but interesting natural experiment. What happens when gurus gain power?
For nearly a year, MAHA doctors have been the medical establishment they previously railed against. They have had the opportunity to prove their real world competency and dazzle us all. How are the gurus doing with actual responsibility?
Obviously, it would take another book to document their drama and destruction thus far. There are many reasons that Dr. David Gorksi, Gregg Gonsalves, and others call it Lysenkoism 2.0. We have years left to go.
However, I will remind SBM readers that I wrote two essays last year: Go Ahead, Make the Case that Science, Free Speech, and the NIH are Thriving Under Dr. Jay Bhattacharya and Go Ahead, Make the Case That Science, Free Speech, and the FDA Are Thriving Under Drs. Marty Makary and Vinay Prasad. No one has made that case yet. I’ve not seen anyone make the affirmative case that things are going well in science and medicine and that MAHA doctors are respected, competent leaders.
And this reveals something obvious, but important. Had MAHA doctors been in charge in 2020, when COVID swamped our hospitals and morgues, they would have brought the same level of malevolence and incompetence they are displaying today. The headline ICE Halts “All Movement” At Texas Detention Facility Due To Measles Infections perfectly sums up what they have unleashed on us. We are very lucky Kennedy and his crew were not in charge 6 years ago.
MAHA doctors hurt people with their COVID disinformation. It’s an important part of the history of the pandemic. It’s vital to remember it for those reasons.
However aside from this, all of their COVID content should be discarded. All of their lofty opinion pieces, know-all Podcasts, omniscientYouTube videos, boastful Tweets, absurdly confident Fox News appearances, blogs, roundtables, Congressional testimony, fancy Declarations, and literally everything they said should be tossed away. Everything they argued for, proposed, called for, and would have done regarding COVID, should be recognized as worthless opinions and imaginations in light of their real world performance today.
The same is true for the many books and articles defending the COVID track record of MAHA doctors. These revisionist narratives from laptop class historians endorsed a mythical universe where persecuted MAHA doctors would have bent the virus to their will. This army of enablers elevated MAHA doctors to power by treating their imagined accomplishments as genuine accomplishments. In 2026, there is no reason for anyone to pretend this COVID-MAHA fan fiction has any value.
It should be clear to everyone now, that no, MAHA doctors would not have opened schools and they would not have protected the vulnerable had they run the show in 2020. Those were always just empty boasts, and unless someone can make the case that MAHA doctors are competent and thriving in 2026, we can abandon the delusion that they would have been COVID superheroes 6 years ago.
It turns out, in the real world, things go badly when gurus gain power. Who could have predicted that?